Underwhelmed

She's going to school for the first time this week. It's a big moment in any child's life. She should be excited or terrified or awed. As her loving parent, I should be happy or weepy or anxious at the impending separation.

No such feelings are detectable in her or me. We are laid back, to the point that we keep forgetting when she is actually meant to start. Why? It's simple: she's mature enough to cope with school, and she has a choice about being there.

One parenting messageboard I frequent has numerous heartrending posts this week from anxious parents reassuring one another that their tiny four year olds will love school and be fine. It's natural but irrational, they say, for parents to feel sad and worried when their children start school. Next week, I know, there will be stories of bedwetting and tummyaches, disruptive behaviour at home and crying at the school gates. Again they will reassure each other: this is a natural stage; children need time to adjust; they'll soon be fine. The mantra "You're the parent. You know best. Trust your instincts" falls silent when the child reaches school age. The parent's feeling, formerly said to be instinct, is suddenly classed as irrational fear or the selfish desire to hold children smotheringly close. On the first day of school, parents will hide their tears because "I know he needs school."

The contrast with us is telling. Nine, not four. Likely to eat lunch in spite of distractions and unfavourite foods, in the knowledge that skipping it would make her crabby all afternoon. Able to find the toilets with ease, wipe her bottom thoroughly, do up her buttons most competently and wash her hands afterward. Confident enough to ask the teacher to explain the maths worksheet, and refuse to join in with meanness in the playground. Already in possession of a basic education which ensures she'll not be miles behind everyone else.

So what's left for a mum to worry about? That she won't like it? If she doesn't like it, she can come out of school once more. She's been happy and learning well at home. Problem solved.

Relaxed? I'm almost catatonic. Wake me up in time for school. Thursday, I think it is.